How to make an Open Relationship work

Nowadays, times are changing with respect to normal relationship ideals that should be upheld. For instance, we are not living in a time period when men are in the work place, and women are at home taking care of children along with up keeping the home. We are being seen more as equals in every aspect of our life, especially in a relationship sense. With that being said, we are taking on a new normative label for what we have considered to be a "perfect" and "normal" relationship. There are so many alternative relationship styles nowadays--open relationships, swinging, polyamorous, etc. In this post I will be focusing on open relationships-- what they are, how to achieve a successful one, and how to enjoy them.

Every open relationship forms their own guidelines. For instance, open relationships could include you and your partner being sexually open or emotionally open--cuddling, kissing, and heartfelt communication. It is up to you to decide how comfortable you are with the range of "openness". In a monogamous relationship the main downfall is to expect too much from your partner. You can't expect your partner to give you everything you need. Your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, pen-pals, etc. give you so many different types of love in your daily life. It is unrealistic to expect one person to give you the different types of love that you need. That is where co-dependancey comes into play. If you fully rely on your partner for everything you become dependent upon them for your happiness. You put too much pressure on an individual to live up to. The key to having a positive healthy relationship is keeping your autonomy. If you lose who you are in the midst of a budding romance, then you are bound to fall in a vicious cycle of co-dependancey, which is very unhealthy.

Creating Guidelines to Help with your Open Relationship

1. Practice Safe Sex- If you are going to start sleeping with more than one individual it is best to have consideration for the sexual health of everybody involved.
2. Respect Space Boundaries- Discuss with your partner safe sexual boundaries. What you feel comfortable with in terms of sexual and emotional closeness. They must be well defined in order to not cross any boundaries which might not be comfortable to your partner
3. The "24- Hour" Rule- You really can't know someone in less than 24 hours. It is also important that your new lover know that you are in an open relationship.
4. Honesty- You must be honest with everyone involved-- from new lovers to your partner. It is very important that everyone can trust each other.
5. Reassurance and Communication- It is important that you can set aside time for everyone involved--time for you to listen to their pain, discrepancies,etc. Everyone involved needs to be able to communicate freely with each other and share their feelings before they are buried and cause resentment.
6. Drugs and Alcohol- should not be involved. Sloppy decisions can be made when you are not in a clear state of mind.
7. Motives- You need to be clear about your intentions about having an open relationship. All relationships are in the pursuit of friendship and loving connections.
8. Privacy- never brag about relationships to anybody. Your relationship with each individual involved is a private intimate relationship between you and that individual.
9. Bed-Hopping Rule- Make sure you have time to process your emotions instead of jumping from partner to partner. That includes even if you weren't necessarily sexually intimate. You want to allow time so that you can be fully present with someone you love
10. Revise and Redefine All Boundaries Regularly
11. Treat Others as You Wish to be Treated
12. Leave a Note- let your partner know when you are not going to be home. COMMUNICATION!
13. Never Act Out of Anger-Don't sleep with someone to get back at your partner or to hurt them.
14. Sharing- If you and your partner are attracted to the same person, either find a way to share the partner or you can both find someone new.
15. Cuddle Companions- never enough!
16. You Belong to Yourself/Practice Loving Yourself